I have never really gravitated towards animals in my life but something happened last week and my whole world changed. I am finding myself so drawn to these living beings, that suddenly they have become a source of wonder, tremendous joy and happiness for me.
It’s been a year since my brother passed away last year due to Covid. It has been one of the toughest years for me. Losing a sibling is a terrible irreplaceable loss. For a long time I felt a part of me was taken away from me. Not a day went by when I did not desperately wish to convey to him the things that were left unexpressed, unsaid, but it was too late.
It was hard to accept his passing away, have a closure, as due to Covid travel restrictions I could not travel to India to say my final goodbye to him. To add to my misery, with Covid still lingering and keeping its strong impact especially in India, I was compelled to decide against being present in India for his 1st death anniversary.
I was dreading the day of his 1st death anniversary which was on the 10th of August. From the beginning of August, once again I experienced so much restlessness and sadness which I had thought I had managed to overcome with the passage of time. All the memories of his diagnosis of Covid, his hospitalization, the helplessness, the desperation to find some way to help him survive and then his passing away played in my mind over and over again. On the 9th, I decided to pen down my anguish in my diary hoping to feel a bit lighter and it did prove a bit cathartic.
After that, lost in his memories, I was sitting in the living room and was gazing outside the window when I suddenly spotted something perched on the electric wires. To my surprise, a cute Red Cardinal had chosen to make an appearance around my house that day. It was as if to remind me that my departed brother is watching over me and is near me. It was a very soothing experience for me and somehow it managed to calm the heightened emotions I was experiencing. Suddenly I found myself at peace even though the next day was his first death anniversary.
With the memory of the previous day’s Cardinal appearance, I found myself more cheerful than I had imagined I’d be on this day. I got myself busy with the daily chores and while cleaning the dishes in the kitchen, I could not believe what I saw outside the window in my backyard. A lovely, handsome, Golden-Brown Deer was munching the leaves off our bushes! For a moment I was too surprised to believe it to be true. This was the first time in two years of our having moved to this house that a deer had visited us. And that too on the day of my brother’s passing away! It was too surreal an experience to be passed off as a co-incidence.
Immediately I checked what a deer sighting symbolizes. What I read brought tears to my eyes but they were tears of happiness! It means your spirit guides – which could be your departed loved ones, are watching over you. Amidst the sorrow of him not being physically present with me, this silent being conveyed the assurance of my brother’s watchful care. It was as if he was expressing his unconditional love for me even though I had decided to not attend the rites for his death anniversary. What else could have consoled my heart more than the validation that my brother was watching over me no matter from which world!
The deer visited our back yard three times that day, each time spending some relaxed grazing moments on our grass. I managed to sneak in a bowl of Basundi (Indian Porridge, which was my brother’s favorite sweet) on the grass hoping it would devour it. Next morning, I went to pick up the bowl and I found a Bee relishing the Basundi. I did not have the heart to pick up the bowl.
Mystical and magical are the ways of the Universe which probably tries to convey messages through these creatures if we have the time and the desire to notice and understand them. Every morning my eyes seek to behold the deer as soon as I wake up, and relive the experience of sheer bliss and a feeling of blessedness!
